Surrendering All

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surrenderingall — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 00:38:12 +0000

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New Password

surrenderingall — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 17:54:46 +0000

I am going to be changing my password soon. So please email me for the new one. I have also changed my email address, but if you clink on the “email me” link then you will get my new email address.

Thank you for understanding!

GOD BLESS~~

surrenderingall — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 22:52:13 +0000

It has been a month again and I am really sorry! We have been going through a lot this summer but we are coming out on the other side! We have a found an amazing therapist for A that is both a christian and also well versed in RAD. Here is a little information about our therapist……

She s a Aunt of 4 adopted children (2 of which have RAD). These kids were adopted in the 80′s and as you know no one was aware (or at least did not admit that there is such a thing) of RAD. She saw what her sister was going through and wanted to help her. Even though she was a therapist back then she found no information about RAD. So she decided to research it–which she has done for over 20 years now. She even speaks around the country about RAD. What she has learned is amazing and ya know what????? RAD can go away! With a lot of hard work and sweat and tears A can get better!!!!!

I will write in here about what we learn so that all of you can learn as well (well maybe you know it but it is always good to refresh right?).

Again sorry for the delay but A was having everyday temper tantrums and by the time she went to bed I was too sleepy to type. I am happy to write that as of today we have been 10 days of NO temper tantrums. Now the lying…the hurting of small children and animals and the “I am not going to obey your rules no matter what” are still going on. But I have to admit they are so much easier to deal with without all the screaming (for hours)!!!!!

GOD BLESS YOU ALL AND I AM FINALLY BACK~~

P.S. O and I are going on a Mommy and Daddy only vacation in October. AHHHHHHHH I can’t wait!

Happy Birthday Lilo

surrenderingall — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 16:27:24 +0000

My sweet little baby turns 2 today. Most adoptive moms always tend to think of the birth mom on the birthday of their child. Most birth moms lovingly “give up” their sweet baby. My birth mom did not. Her baby was taken from her a few minutes after birth. She was never allowed to see Lilo again.

So today as a hold my sweet angel and kiss her plump little face, I think about her birth mother. This is a birth mother that many people hate–I can not hate her. This is a birth mother that many people say that she did not deserve to see Lilo at all at birth–I do not agree. Even though she murdered her other precious baby (this was proven in court), I think that she should have been allowed a few minute to say good-bye.

I wonder if the birth mom is thinking about Lilo today. O thinks that she is, and I guess I do too. Do birth mom’s that kill their babies think about the ones that survive? Again please do not think that I am judging her–I am only thinking out loud (or should I say typing out loud : ) Sometimes I would like to visit the birth mom and talk with her. It is something that I can do but I have not due to fear that her family will find out where the girls are. I would like to hear her side of the story. I am the kind of person that thinks that no one is 100% evil. This birth mom had a lot of bad things happen to her when she was a child. Does this excuse her for murder–NO, but it does help me see why she did the things that she did. Maybe one day I will go visit her in jail and talk with her. I would give her a bible and pray that she finds Jesus. No matter what she did I could NEVER wish her to hell!

I know that Lilo’s birth father is thinking of her today. Unlike the birth mother, who was able to see her right after the birth, he did not. He was not called until right before Lilo was released to us from the hospital. They did this in purpose so that the birth father could not petition the court to see his new baby. Again something that I do not agree with. They should have let him visit with her and also say good-bye. I did give the birth father pictures while the court case was going on but that is not the same as holding her.

I am not forgetting about my girls brother. I am not forgetting about that he was murdered in a horrific way. I know that God made me to have great compassion for everyone and it is not different with them. So today on lilo’s 2nd birthday I pray comfort for the birth parents and I pray that they will both find Jesus as their Savior!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LILO–I LOVE YOU MORE THEN ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING!!!!!

Oh My–It has been a month!

surrenderingall — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 22:43:50 +0000

Sorry for that–I hope people will still read this! It has been a very hard month. A has been the hardest that she has ever been. We have found an amazing therapist but we are on a waiting list to see her. I will write a post about it soon. I think that it will REALLY help families blessed with RAD kids!

I know that I said I would write about the meeting, but to be honest the Lord has convicted me about it. I should not complain about what happened but try to help change things for the better. That is what I am going to do. I hope that you all have had a great summer so far~~
GOD BLESS~~

2 Years Ago Today…..

surrenderingall — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 02:30:07 +0000

…..a little boy went to heaven. This little boy was loved dearly by my daughter. She will never forget him and will love him forever. This little boy was the brother of A. Please do not let his death be in vain—get involved with foster kids. Just because I am not a foster parent anymore does not mean that I will not be fighting for foster kids! I think now I can fight more and be more of a voice.

How many more children must die before we get angry enough to stop the deaths? I think anymore will be just too much!

God bless you~~

I am still here

surrenderingall — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 00:24:11 +0000

I know that I owe you a post but it is going to be long. So a need more then just a few minutes to write it! I will also post pictures soon~

GOD BLESS~~

The Visits

surrenderingall — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 01:30:03 +0000

The visit just so happened to start on the same day I started my new job (which I love!!!). Because of this I could not go and drop little one off at the visit. O took the day off of work so he could bring her. I, in the mean time, wrote a letter to both birth parents and printed off pictures for them. I made sure to tell O to give them the little gifts (I always give the birth parents a gift at the first visit). So O went to the agency and briefly saw the birth father. He tried to talk with the birth father but he would not talk back. O did not think much of it because this happened before with other birth families.

I got off of work before Little onés visit was over so I went back with O to get her. When we arrived the case worker said that Little one had a VERY bad diaper rash. She didn’t have one before I left for work so I really did not know what she was talking about (now please be aware that when Little one came she had a very bad diaper rash. It was so bad that she had welts on her bottom. I talked with my doctor about it and she said to try to change the maker of the diaper–so I did and it seemed to help some). The case worker would not stop talking about the horrible diaper rash and that we better take care of it soon. She also said that the family was VERY upset because of this rash.
I was horrified because I always try very hard to take the best care of these kids. O has said that I am too hyper about this and try to relax about it. But I can’t–this is not my child and if it were I would want someone else to take care of them the same way.

So we got home from the visit and I looked at Little one’s diaper rash–what rash? She was a little red where her fat rolls were but nothing at all like it was when she came to us.
Over the next week our case worker would not shut up about the rash (please excuse my language). I just kept telling her that I was coating her bottom all the time with the diaper rash cream. I really wanted to say Ïf you can do better then maybe you should take little one to YOUR house!
The next Monday I was able to go to the whole visit. I saw the birth father and introduced myself to him. He did talk a little and then went into the visit. When I came back to pick up little one I made a point to introduce myself to the birth mother and grandmother. I also told them that if they ever had any questions please ask because I would be happy to answer them. That is when the grandmother said she had a question. She wanted to know why Little one had a binky in her bag. She went on to say the she did not want little one to get ANY bad habits at my home.
I told her that the binky was my daughters and I was sorry if this upset her. I then left the visit. The case worker called me the next day and I asked her how the visit went (I forgot to mention that Little one did not like the first visit and screamed through all of it–which is again common). The case worker told me that she did great with no problems ( I would hear a different story at the meeting).
We have had hard families before and really ths family was not the hardest. I just realized that I am not able to deal (at least for right now) with a picky birth family. We were so spoiled with our girls birth family. They are amazing and I am so blessed to have them in my life!

During the phone call from the case worker she told me again that the meeting the following day is just really to let the family know that Little one was staying in foster care (this was another lie she told me).

That night O and I sat down to talk about our future with Little one. She was getting harder and harder and I really did not have the energy to deal with it. We decided that if it was decided for Little one to stay in foster care then we would ask for her to be moved to another home. We were kinda secretly hoping that she would go with a family member.

I will write about the meeting in the next post. I will make it private–just to warn you all!!!

GOD BLESS~~

Guess who was at my door this morning….

surrenderingall — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 18:46:08 +0000

…the wonderful case worker. She brought back our car seat (I have not written about the meeting yet so I will tell you more about it then). I was shocked to see her at my door and I think she saw it on my face. She said to me that she brought back our car seat because she new we would be called with a new placement soon. I was even more shocked and told her that we closed. Now it was her turned to be shocked. She asked me why and I chickened out. I did not tell her it was because of her (I wish I could speak my mind to people). I did tell her it was because A had a hard time with Little one leaving and screamed for a week straight. She said that she was sorry to hear that because we were really good foster parents (funny that is not what she said at the meeting!).

GOD BLESS~~

Okay–part 2

surrenderingall — Sat, 30 May 2009 00:13:22 +0000

I will start now with our first visit from the social worker. Well she called me about a week after we got our new little one. I was surprised that it took a week but she told me that she had been on vacation (no surprise–they always seem to be on vacation). She told me on the phone that both birth mom and dad said that they did not want little one (they are both VERY young). She said that no one in the family will be able to get her either. Okay, I thought, I guess that this may be a long term placement. That was fine–I was up to anything! She then asked if she could come for a visit that week. WOW! Most of the time they will call you at 3 p.m. the day before court and say that they have to come RIGHT now because court is tomorrow.

She came for the visit and seem friendly but very distant. She told me at the visit that there is a great grandma and grandpa that want little one. Okay–that is fine–no problem. She told me that she was going to visit them in a few days and will let me know. She called me about a week after her visit with the great grandparents and said that the birth parents wanted visits. I said “fine” and that Mondays would work best for me. The visits were set up. I asked her how the visit to the great parents house went and she said she will tell me when she visits my house again. Okay–most of the time you will only see a social worker in your home once a month at the most. Here she is coming again and it has only been 2 weeks.

Well she came and sat down (little one scream the whole time she was here–remember this for later). She told me that the great grandfather had attacked her at the home visit. She also said that the family told her that he drank and beat his wife. Because of all this she was not going to approve their home. She told me that there was a 90% chance that Little one was going to stay with us. I really did not want to hear that because Little ones behaviors were getting worse and I did not know if we could keep her. I told her about these behaviors and asked if we could go to Early on. I thought that she needed extra help. The social worker smiled and nodded and then went on for the next 45 minutes about how she was the best social worker in the world. She also told me that she was called by God to help these kids. I was so happy to hear this and really thought that she was going to fight for these kids (right!) She then told me that the following week there was going to be a big meeting. Could I please come the following week and talk about Little One’s needs. She also said that they were also going to tell the family then that Little One was going to stay in foster care and in our home. Ccame out of her room after the social worker left and said “Could she have bragged more about herself?”

Next time I will talk about the 2 family visits that we had (fun). And also the meeting that made us retire from foster care. Yes, I did say that we did retire. It does not mean that the State of Michigan has heard the last from me. I am still going to fight like heck for these kids. The meeting showed me how much I do need to fight!

GOD BLESS~~